Kidney anyone?

This morning at about 5:15 am, Faz's slumber was put to an abrupt end when he felt some pain.

The pain was intense, with Faz asking Arlene to immediately take him to the hospital (a request that has never been made quite like the way Faz asked on this day). Out of the kindness of her heart, Arlene quickly got dressed and the couple was off to the Grey Nuns. Once at the hospital, the couple was met with hospital staff who didn't seem to care that Faz felt he was about to die.

The hospital admitting staff wasn't so good, as the couple spent much time trying to get Faz admitted to the emergency ward. The couple finally had some success as Faz told one of the admitting staff that he felt like he was going to throw up from the pain. This somehow made the admitting nurses move faster, which Arlene believes was due to the threat of throw-up on their workstations.

The triage nurse typed information into her computer with only one finger, making Faz wonder if the lady needed to take a typing course. In fact, Faz was going to offer her his old copy of Mavis Beacon teaches typing, but Arlene felt that she would be much better served with a 'boot to the head', or a mention in Faz's will (need speakers for both links).

Once Faz was put into a bed where he waited for a doctor, he threw up due to the pain of the kidney stones, leaving a mess which included the wonderful taste of partially digested pizza and ice cream. Faz was later told that the pain of kidney stones is similar to the pain of childbirth. To reduce his pain, Faz was given a morphine injection in his IV and fell into a state of bliss almost immediately. No longer did Faz wish that the admissions staff should be booted in the head. In fact, Faz and Arlene became fast friends with the 2 nurses on staff who cared for him. The couple plans to write a letter to hospital admisitration, thanking the 2 nurses for their help and kindness towards the couple.

As time passed, Faz was taken for a CT scan, which revealed that Faz had 2 kidney stones. One of the kidney stones was 5mm in size, while the other was 3mm. As time passed, the couple waited for the stones to pass, but they didn't. The doctor told Faz to go home, drink lots of fluids, take pain medication, and filter his urine to collect any stones that may pass to give to his family doctor. Faz has decided to hold an ebay auction of any recovered stones, as he believes them to be collectibles worth many dollars. Faz is also considering having them mounted on a necklace as a gift to his wife. Arlene has created an emergency action plan to kill Faz if he attempts to put his "pee jewels" anywhere near her body.

For now, Faz and Arlene are at home resting. With any luck, they will sleep through tonght's new year festivities. To this end, the couple wishes you a happy new year.

We're going to be away from the internet

Faz and Arlene will be away from the internet until Jan 2, 2005. The couple will not instruct us to make any new posts until then, but I'm sure that they will have more stories to tell when they return.

The couple wants you to have a Happy New Year!

Plus, The couple will be adding interesting articles below. You might find these articles interesting, so make sure to check back:

People from Winnipeg aren't smart

A reason not to get involved in an argument between a man and his wife

Tsunami hits west coast of Canada

American Generals admit they have created more terrorists

Commodore computers is Dutch? Soon to be American? It exists?

Eye watering Persian cuisine

During their trip to Calgary, Faz and Arlene visited Faz's brother and his family.

The morning was nice, as the 2 couples (and kids) spent time together. In the early afternoon, Faz's sister-in-law suggested that the group go to a Persian restaurant in Downtown Calgary, as it had been featured as the "best kept secret" of the Calgary downtown core in a local newspaper.

The couple sat down to eat, and each sat with a child beside them. During the meal, the couples discussed life, love, liberty (or lack of), and the pursuit of happiness. Sometime after this, but before the baklava, one of the children happened to "launch an air biscuit" without warning. Indeed this flatulence was the "silent but deadly" type, giving Arlene no warning of her impending olfactory doom.

The fart was tremendous, leaving Arlene's eyes watering. Politely, Arlene asked the children if they had fluffed to which the two eldest ones replied "nope, not me". The youngest child remained noticeably silent.

It was when the youngest was asked again if she had fluffed, she shyly replied "a little one" and smiled. Faz then noticed his wife's eyes start to water so he proclaimed "I wonder what the big ones are like".

Arlene is entirely too polite. The poor girl's eyes started watering from this mortal blow. Not wanting to offend the child, Arlene remained in her seat, her eyes watering for at least 4 minutes. It was during those 4 minutes that the child happily colored a picture of a spaceship, not noticing the agony that her Aunt was in. It was during those four minutes that the couple wondered what the child ate the day before. It was during those four minutes that time seemed to stop for Arlene, as minutes lasted for hours. It was during those four minutes that Arlene aged a week and really understood that she would most surely meet her maker.

It was during those four minutes that Faz laughed the most, secretly wishing that his "butt trumpet" could make Arlene's eyes water like the child's did.

Happy Saturday (aka Merry Xmas)

Today is Christmas and our happy couple is safe and sound in Airdrie, AB, which is known for nothing other than its proximity to Calgary, AB.

Last night Faz and Arlene hung out with their good friends Rob & Jackie. The couple spent a great deal of time discussing what has happened to them over the past year, as the two couples haven't seen each other since Easter 2004. The couples have found that not much has happened over the last year other than Rob & Jackie's kids getting older (and cuter if you ask Arlene).

Today's turkey was cooked by Rob and interestingly enough, he seemed to enjoy stuffing the bird more than anything else. The event was quite funny to watch for Faz and Arlene, with bread crumbs flying everywhere and people ducking for cover. "The hole just isn't big enough" said Rob, causing Faz shoot milk out of his nose, across the room, and onto his laptop. This "nose milking" made for a good laugh and all felt that Faz could've shot the milk further, reaching the television set. Faz is currently organizing an appeal to the IOC to allow this new sport in both the summer and winter games, to ensure that Canada wins more than 17 medals in the 2010 games in Vancouver.

As promised, this entry will discuss some of the injuries that Faz sustained during the 8 hours of what Faz lovingly calls "8 hours of air hockey madness". It was during this time that Faz played more than a couple of opponents, keeping his winning streak alive. During one play, Faz made a dive for the puck (to stuff the puck into the opposing net), which seemed to most people to be a belly flop, rather than an actual dive. The landing was painful for Faz, but for some strange reason, Faz sustained a large purple bruise which resembles what Arlene lovingly likes to call "Asia".

The couple will be home soon. If you have missed them, or just haven't spent enough "quality time" with them, send them an email and they will be more than glad to hang out.

The pain of air hockey

On the last day of his trip, Faz met a pretty decent fellow named Hijabman. Faz spent many, many hours playing air hockey with the young man, beating him like he was a rented mule. Either way, Faz and Arlene will elaborate this story sometime soon, so please check back over the weekend. Faz is glad to back at home with Arlene, and they hope to spend some time with each other before heading to Calgary for the weekend.

By the way, Happy Holidays from Faz and Arlene.

The Baby, the Dynasty and Faz

This morning at around 4:30 am, Faz's cousin Shakil came to Faz's bedroom and told him that he and his wife were going to go to the hospital. Faz made arrangements to contact them and took directions to take Faz's uncle and aunt to the hospital when Shakil called.

The next morning at around 10:30 am, Faz awoke to the sound of the telephone and his uncle and aunt frantically trying to find the phone. Unknown to them, the phone was beside Faz's head - exactly where it should've been. It was about a minute after the phone call that Faz's aunt started asking where her son and daughter-in-law were. Faz decided he should put his head under the covers and feign sleep so that he would not have to answer the oncoming barrage of questions.

Unfortunately, Faz's aunt came into his room and started peppering him with questions. Faz decided to end his silence and tell his aunt that her son had gone to the hospital. Faz's aunt wasn't too happy that he didn't wake her up at 4:30 am, well before his cousin's wife went into labour. Faz was instructed to get ready and take her to the hospital.

Needless to say, Faz waited until his aunt was out of the room and put his head under the pillow for a 1.5 minute power-nap until he was nagged awake. Faz decided to call his cousin to see how far they were along and he was invited to come to the hospital. The group of three quickly ate breakfast and went to the hospital in his cousin's 1990 Chrysler Dynasty, which Faz's uncle gave to his cousin while he was in school. In case you don't know what a Dynasty is, here's a picture of one from the internet.

The Dynasty was a nice car at one time. It had a smooth, quiet comfortable ride, which Faz enjoyed every time he rode in it. Almost every time that Faz sat in this car, he thought "wow, this car has a smooth, quiet comfortable ride".

On this particular day, the ride wasn't so nice. The trio quickly learned that the heater blower didn't work anymore, the car groaned at every attempt to turn the wheel, and the ride was substantially less comfortable and smooth than it once was. On top of this, the glove box kept popping open - for no particular reason at all.

These events made Faz wonder if the car was tired. The car seemed to be telling the occupants that forcing it to move would ensure discomfort for them, as they were giving discomfort to it. As Faz drove the Dynasty he wondered aloud "should I drive to a densely wooded area and let this poor, tired car retire in the beauty of nature?" Faz plans to appeal to his cousin to put the car out of its misery by giving it a home at the nearest federally protected bird sanctuary.

Once the group reached the hospital, they rushed quickly to the room where the baby had been born only 2 minutes earlier. Faz's aunt went ahead into the room, while he and his uncle went to the waiting room while the hospital staff cleaned the child up. MashAllah, Faz and Arlene have been blessed with a beautiful nephew that weighs 6lbs, 11.5oz. With any luck, Arlene will get to see her newest nephew soon.

Faz and Arlene would like to congratulate everyone who is related to Shakil and his wife Meriam on the arrival of a new person into our family.

Mount Wolf, PA

Most of you don't know this, but when Faz and Arlene parted company in Peurta Plata, they knew that they would not be seeing each other again for some time.

Faz has spent most of his time away at many fun fillled vacation spots like:

Mississauga, ON

Where Faz hung out with some friends and ate too much food. In fact, Nando's Chickenland (a favorite of both Faz and Arlene) is halal in Ontario. Actually, one can't really go far without finding a halal place in Mississagua.

Newark, NJ

Faz spent the majority of the day at the airport in Newark trying to find his luggage. It was later discovered that Faz's luggage was vactioning in Montreal while Faz was anxiously awaiting its arrival in Newark. The luggage seems to have had great times, looking a little tired from its "play time" away from Faz.

Edison, NJ

Where Faz spent time hanging out with his cousin's inlaws. Faz had a great time with them and hopes to spend more time with Uncle "America is almost the same as Canada" Zaki again. It was during his time in Edison that Faz laughed the hardest he ever has in his life.

Mount Wolf, PA

Faz went to Mount Wolf to spend some time with his cousin Shakil and wife (Meriam). Meriam expected to give birth to their child on the 16th of the month - the day Faz arrived. Unfortunately, the baby is shy and as of 12:30am EST on the 20th, the child hasn't appeared. With any luck, the child will be born just before Faz leaves for Toronto on December 21st.

Arlene has spent most of her time away at many fun filled vacation spots like:

Edmonton, AB

Arlene went to Edmonton to do exciting things she desperately wanted to do.

One of Arlene's goals included finding pornography on a printer at her work. She did this almost the same instant she went to work, causing both Arlene and Faz to be amazed at her pornography detection skills. Arlene hopes to discontinue her pornography detection practice as quickly as it started.

Most notable to Arlene was a play she attended. The play was billed as one which contained the brighest new star in the Edmonton market - Arlene's niece Chelsea. Arlene believes that the play was definately the show of the year for Edmonton and hopes that Chelsea's next red-curtain appearance is as fun and as wonderful as the first.

The couple is looking forward to Faz's return to Edmonton and their trip to Calgary. With any luck they will be able to go to the Pfanntastic Pannenkoek House for breakfast once during the trip.

Gay marriage

Faz and Arlene have been hit recently with a barrage of emails regarding gay marriage and they would like to make the following known about their stance as the couple has discussed this at length and has come to a few conclusions.

1. The rights of the minority must not be trampled by the majority unless the rights of the minority infringes on the rights of the majority.
2. The values of some religious groups must not be confused with the basic rights and freedoms of a Canadian citizen.
3. A referendum of the public in regards to gay marriage would be futile, as the majority cannot be trusted to care for the rights of the minority.

In a recent court case about gay marriage, the couple feels that the issue at hand is actually in regards to the Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the Constitution and how these documents apply to the rights of homosexuals. In this case, the issue for the couple isn't the sanctity of marriage in itself, but more to the effect of how the marriage of homosexuals will affect the Canada that they have come to love so much. The couple believes that no religious group should decide whether certain minorities get rights and whether they do not.

The couple recently read this article which explains the Supreme court's ruling in the matter of same-sex marriage in Canada and they have decided that it accurately reflects their position (in regards to how gay marriage relates to Canada, not their religion). Whether or not you agree with them, the couple hopes that anyone reading this would be open-minded enough to read the article.

In regards to the National Post's recent polls, the couple isn't quite sure of anything that the daily newspaper has to say as CanWest Global has a history of changing stories. The couple encourages you to know all of the CanWest Global companies and recognize that the company seems to have an agenda similar (but not the same) as that of the Fox News Network.

The couple intends to have their website updated again with a return to more entertaining news this Sunday.

Posting delays

Faz and Arlene wholeheartedly apologize for not having their website updated. They promise to be more dilligent with this in the future and hope that this has not caused any inconvenience to you or your family.

Air Santo Domingo and the trip home

Faz and Arlene headed home today.

The couple has been using their CIBC Visa for quite some time and had accumulated a significant number of Aeroplan miles. On Faz's suggestion, the couple decided to use some of those points for this trip's flight package. As a reward for their diligent use of the aforementioned credit card and loyalty program, Air Canada routed the couple to different destinations in the Dominican Republic, separated by a complete day of driving in a third-world country or a 1.5 hour flight, at a cost of $90USD.

Luckily enough, when Faz and Arlene were heading down to the Dominican Republic, there were some very nice ticket agents who helped arrange the flight so that Faz could fly on the same plane as Arlene, to the same destination. Unfortunately the couple would still have to fly from different cities on their way home. This made for an interesting day for both Faz and Arlene, who left each other's company today at 6:30AM Dominican time.

The couple decided that Faz should fly between Puerto Plata (where the couple was) and Punta Cana (where Faz needed to be to get home) instead of making the day long drive to avoid the risk of not getting to the airport at Punta Cana on time. The airline that Faz took between the two cities was called Air Santo Domingo.

Air Santo Domingo (ASD) isn't just any airline, this airline has a section of the airport at both Puerto Plata and Punta Cana. While this means something significant at all major North American airports, it doesn't mean a thing in the Dominican. Gate security in the ASD section of the airport was quite potent, with one guard and a x-ray machine which looked to be over 20 years old. The metal detector that the airline used was directly in front of the entrance, and most people seemed to walk around it instead of through it. This wouldn't normally concern Faz, who thinks "the x-ray shield on the x-ray machine is for wussies" but when one particular person was asked to open his bag to reveal the contents. This well-groomed gentleman had a handgun.

Taken aback, Faz thought "I hate Aeroplan" over and over. The gentleman was kindly asked to surrender the clip of his gun and gate security handed it to the luggage guy, who put it with the luggage. For duration of the flight, the gentleman sat at the back of the plane and kept talked to himself, causing Faz to make a song about how much he hates Aeroplan. In fact, Faz hopes to produce his song with Celine Dion, once she falls out of love with Air Canada. As far as the trip home is concerned, Faz made it to Punta Cana safely.



Arlene had an entirely different day, thanks to her plan of action. Countless times she said "I'll be fine if I get to the airport early", hoping to be at the airport no less than 180 minutes before the flight was supposed to take off. Unfortunately, Arlene got the time wrong and had to wait a little longer than she anticipated. Arlene enjoyed her time at the airport and hopes to one day vacation at it again.

As their trip to the Dominican is over, Faz and Arlene will only be updating their website 2-3 times a week for the foreseeable future.

Thank goodness for imodium

This morning Faz and Arlene were supposed to go off the resort with some of their friends.

The problems began late the night before, and became worse as time passed. In fact most of the night, the couple took turns taking a bathroom break. The couple was awake until 4:30am so when their friends called in the morning to get them up for the trip, the couple quickly decided to stay behind and sleep. "We hope that the people of the Dominican forgive us for our desecration of their bathroom facilities" said Arlene, quickly followed by "ugh" from Faz.

For now, the couple is writing a thank you letter to the makers of imodium for all of their efforts to save their trip.

The golf game

Today, Faz and Arlene went golfing.

The weather was excellent and the golfing was free - which made for a great opportunity. Faz had never actually been golfing ever before in his life, but he kept his score in line with everyone else who played. The average was a little higher than expected (8 strokes on a par 3, if that makes any sense), but the group had a wonderful time.

"The balls kept going in every direction, except the direction that I wanted. I even lost one to a small cave in the middle of the course. Stupid cave." were Arlene's comments just before Faz piped up with "Before I came here, I knew that golfing wasn't going to be my game. Now I'm Vijay Singh and I have become the finest bat-and-stick-ball player of all time". Before long, Faz expects to be on the PGA championship tour.

Arlene expects to laugh hysterically at Faz's attempt, secure in the knowledge that Faz really isn't so good at golf.

The wedding and fishing trip.

Faz and Arlene thoroughly enjoyed the wedding.

In fact, the whole group enjoyed the festivites and there are plenty of great pictures that Byron and Misty have to share with their friends. The happy couple wrote their own vows and when recited, they were quite moving, with not many of the attendants not 'sniff-sniff'ing while the vows were read. All in all, a great experience to share with friends.

The fishing trip on the other hand - not so nice.

Faz and Arlene spent $120 USD on the trip in which for the most part, all they did was wretch. When the couple travelled about 90% of the way to the fishing spot, Cameron told the captain of the ship to turn around as he didn't want to see the couple and one other person suffer any longer. That kindness will not be forgotten.

The really sad part - the couple went with a friend who strongly protested the turnaround, asking Faz to pay for the wasted trip - although 50% of the boat passengers were throwing up. In a state of distress, Faz agreed and the couple was on the hook for another $120 USD. "The whole event was good, until the ocean wanted the contents of our stomachs" said Faz, while Arlene slowly rose to her feet and said "I think I left my lungs behind". The total for the trip: $240 USD.

The couple has made a pact never to sail on a fishing boat on the ocean ever again.

Today is the big day!

Today is the big day that Faz and Arlene came to the Dominican Republic for.

There was lots of rain this afternoon, so Faz and Arlene decided to hold an "anti-rain" dance for their friends. The event was a complete success for Faz and Arlene, with many cheers, a few jeers, and an end to the rain. The couple has now talked about marketing their dance to the public, but is currently unsure of an adequate market position for their venture to take.

Arlene was heard saying "I could dance the whole day away, if it wasn't for Misty & Byron, it would be for me." While Faz, up to his usual games stated "Boy, I sure know how to direct my jiggling. Kinda like a big jello ring in some spots. mmm... J-e-l-l-o."

Nevertheless, the rain-dance option is still available and the couple would be willing to offer a 25% discount for all of their friends who don't want rain on a specific day (63-day notice req'd). Out of kindness, while in the Dominican Republic, Faz and Arlene have decided to do all weather-related dances for free.

Do you have a twin?

Faz and Arlene found twins (for some of their friends).

We've all heard it said on 'Seinfeld' that everyone has an identical twin. The girl at the front desk today looked just like one of Faz and Arlene's friends named 'Shawna' - except this girl is much darker than Shawna. The resemblance is so shocking that Faz and Arlene will definately take a picture of this girl to give to their friend. The couple is now in the hopes of finding twins for themselves, but isn't quite sure if they will be successful.

The hotel tried to give them another room today (care of Shawna's twin), but Faz and Arlene would have lost their view of the ocean, would've been farther from their friend's building, and woudn't get much of a better room, so they decided to stay in the room that they had. All in all, the couple is okay with the arrangement.

Faz and Arlene went into the Atlantic Ocean today. The waters were warm, but due to the weather - it was a little too rough for the couple's liking. "The water was salty" said Arlene. This was immediately followed by Faz saying "...it felt warm, like all of the children in the world peed in the Atlantic ocean at once, all for us."

Faz and Arlene will try to get back to their oceanic adventures tomorrow on a fishing trip with their friends.

They made it!

They're here - Finally.

Their arrival sucked. When they came in, the front desk could not find their reservation and would not give them a room. After waiting 3 hours in the lobby and numerous long distance calls to their travel agent, they got a room (with a nice view of the ocean). Unfortunately, this was just 10 minutes too late to have anything to eat (except for French fries).

FYI - pictures to be added when they get back into town. Faz and Arlene can't find a way to download their photos to the picture host that they are using. They will add photos to the posts as soon as they can.

From what they've heard, the weather isn't as good as it could be, but Faz and Arlene seem very happy about it. Today the temperature is over 29 degrees C. The humidity has been amazing to the couple as they believe the humidity is somewhere around 80%. The place reminds Faz of when he went to Pakistan as a child. It seems to have the same distinct smells and hallmarks of Pakistan, with a few minor differences.

After Faz and Arlene got settled, they went to the only open food place and had a very nice timel with Byron, Misty, & Laila (including a meal - consisting of grill cheese sandwiches and more french fries)

Success?

Faz and Arlene made it to Mississauga (Ontario) today. Along their path the met some quite interesting people including:

The 74-year-old Polish lady that sat beside Faz during the flight from Edmonton to Toronto International Airport. Arlene and Faz spent much time talking to her during the flight. She was quite nice and expected this to be her last trip to Poland. Her parents came to Canada in 1940, and she had only been to Poland a couple of times in her life.

The following Air Canada staff were notable:

"Terry", the ticket agent who helped (to be revealed later) Faz and Arlene by putting a note on their file.

A gentleman named "Moss", who Faz kept calling "Mold". Mold told Arlene to speak to a gentleman named "Big Bad Bob" who unfortunately had gone home for the evening. This led to a meeting with a gentleman named "Atilla", who Faz kept referring to as "The Hun".

A nice ticket agent named "Lenore" who looked like she should've retired 20 years previous to Faz and Arlene's visit to Toronto. Faz continually muttered "nevermore" during Arlene's conversation which seemed to irritate Lenore for some reason. Either way, Lenore was the reason that Faz and Arlene could fly together to Peurto Plata (but Faz and Arlene believe that it was the note that "Terry" wrote for the couple which ultimately led to the happy ending).

You see, Aeroplan originally could not arrange for Faz and Arlene to fly together and put them on separate flights to seperate destinations, leaving Faz over 8 hours away from Arlene (by car).

While in Mississaugua, Faz and Arlene stayed with their friends "Helen" and "Manuel" (names changed to protect the privacy of our hosts) who provided hours of good entertainment. "Helen" has had a long relationship with the couple, speaking at their wedding several years earlier. "Manuel" has become like a second cousin (twice removed) to Faz, who enjoys his time with his new relative.

It should be noted that Faz will still have to travel 8 hours to get home (via Air Canada) as his return flight was unchanged at Pearson international Airport.

The day before.

So today is the day before the big trip.

So far this month, they've been injected 3 times to protect them against something that Faz thought was an STD. Arlene has been faithfully tanning so that she won't get a sunburn. Faz has been dilligently been secretly putting the words "I am cheeky" on her bottom with SPF40 every night for the last 8 of 10 days while Arlene slept. Arlene noticed Faz doing this on the 9th night, which put an abrupt end to Faz's cheeky fun.

Today they are charging their camera and formatting the memory card so that they'll have lots of pictures to share with you as their trip progresses. They are extremely busy with preparations for the trip, so for now, they leave you in the custody of their new mascot Sharpy.

Our temporary home!

Well here they are, on the internet.

Faz and Arlene decided to make a weblog, so they created this mission statement to ensure that everyone knew why:

"To keep our friends and relatives up-to-date on what is going on with us, while providing a convenient, reasonable way for us to keep in touch with each other. "

Just in case you're wondering, the weblog is hosted here because we are just about to leave for the Dominican Republic (to go to our good friends Byron & Misty's wedding) and we really don't have time to set up a proper blog with a proper webhosting service. In the Dominican Republic, Faz and Arlene will be staying here.